this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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