you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
