Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
