Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
