I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
