6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
