I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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