If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
