I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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