I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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