I faked an abortion last night.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
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