yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You took a bar mat shot.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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