I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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