nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
