on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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