another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize