I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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