My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
