the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
