Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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