She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize