Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
