Kiss
Puke
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
