Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
