Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
