I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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