she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
