but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
