the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
