need another drink. this is the easiest way
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize