I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
