Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
