No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
