i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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