Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
