If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
