strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I will be naked everywhere
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
