Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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