I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize