On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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