Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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