You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
