i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
