I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
