She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
