Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
