If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
