Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
