Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
