I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
