and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
