You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
