She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
