I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had sex on a dog bed..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
