I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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