Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
