have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she peed on how many people?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
