your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just pee around me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
