is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize