Betty ford says i'm here all night
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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