I seem to have left my pride at pride
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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