I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
