I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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