hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
