Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
