she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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