I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
