I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize