it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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