I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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