Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
