well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
