This girl is more easily done than said...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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