i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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