IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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