Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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