just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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