the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
