I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
