i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
