I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
