I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
