Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
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