so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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