so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm passing your future prison.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
