There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
