can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
