Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I won't apologize to a one balled man
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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