3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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