can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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