According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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