Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
