Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
