u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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