She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
