I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize