I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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