I wish I could punch you in the face.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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